Humane Being
So, I’m just one of those ordinary guys out there, 23 years old and still waiting for something miraculous to happen. I still have no idea if miracles are real or fake. I started University 2 years back, armed with a whole bunch of expertise from Army, or so I thought, I wanted to live the character I’ve always dreamed about. I couldn’t wait for the fresh new start, away from the rules and regulations, discipline, super early mornings, uniforms, and sacrifices made to the Armed Forces. I was always an academics oriented guy, so I was looking forward to the various interesting forms of academia that I would be indulging in, upon entering University. The new friends, the freedom of choice, outings with friends were what captivated me. And so, army ended, and the journey began.
What happened over the next 2 years fascinated me and changed my perspective of various things. A cumulation of events and incidents over those 2 years have totally transformed me and changed my outlook on the world. This long note I am writing now is to describe the key lessons learnt, so that others may relate to this if possible and maybe even widen their perspective to understand the world the way I do.
Understand yourself, before understanding others
Being human is a complicated process. The human body is God’s masterpiece and a quote in the Bible goes, ‘I will praise thee; for I am fearfully and wonderfully made: marvellous are thy works; and that my soul knoweth right well’ (Psalm 139:14). Doesn’t it make sense that we take some time to understand ourselves and how we work; to understand the very fundamentals of one’s own mind and soul, before we begin to even try to comprehend others? I was one of those who tried very hard to always get to know others first, understand their perspectives and their way of life. However, there was one shortcoming, I didn’t understand myself first, so no matter how much I tried, I always felt upset and there was minimal happiness in the relationship. Self-awareness is key: knowledge of the strengths, weaknesses, skills, and qualities that make you who you are is of great importance. This allows you to utilize various aspects of your character in forming the type of relationships which you desire. I learnt this the hard way by failing multiple times and finally concluding that, I do not have enough knowledge of who I really am and what kind of relationships I want to create with different people. Ever since then, I have progressed on to obtain much more clarity on who I am and what works best for me.
Closeness lies in the heart and not in words
This is to do with the high standards of technology in today’s world. With Whatsapp, Facebook, and other forms of social media being so dominant, many of us do not even talk face to face anymore. I am guilty of this as well. When people text to each other or send messages through social media platforms, they are mere words and many a times, they do not convey the original meaning intended. Being close to one another doesn’t mean texting a lot, or being open to each other through texts. It doesn’t come through words and messages, but rather, looking at one other in the eyes and telling them what you really feel in person. Closeness is when you can look at another person and talk to them without occasionally looking away. Once again, back in those days, looking back, there was hardly anyone I could look in the eyes and talk to in a sincere fashion. This once again aligns with my first point of understanding yourself before understanding others. Find out the kind of relationship you wish to create with him/her and everything else will be smooth.
Cherish the ones that truly matter and don’t force closeness with those who don’t
I am an extrovert to a large extent and love talking to people. I can spend literally the entire day talking to others. So back then, I used to talk to every single person as if they are very close to me and tried my best to make each and everyone feel special. It was fun at first and then it slowly started backfiring. It was very tiring and tedious to manage so many conversations with many people. Things started going out of hand, and I had to ensure everyone was kept happy and special, till the only one that wasn’t was me myself. I had little time for myself as well as those who were close to me, neglecting those who mattered, to make time for those who didn’t want a close relationship with me. This brings me to the point of cherishing those who enjoy your company and don’t bother to do that with everyone. Everyone has their own way of thinking, respect that and if they don’t relate to your perspective, it’s cool, just move on. Forcing closeness is very detrimental to one’s mental health.
Superficiality and the Materialistic world are illusions. Focus on the reality, your true self.
I was one of those guys who spent a lot of time trying to fit into society always trying to climb to the top of the social hierarchy ladder. I realized that these things were just me trying to protect my image. Many of the actions I took were not even things that made me happy. Rather they were done to ensure me a high tier place on the hierarchal ladder. I was doing well in this game of climbing ladders, but suddenly one day I came to a halt and questioned what I was doing in life. My intentions were very different from what my actions seemed to convey. I knew there was something fundamentally wrong, leading me to the conclusion that what I really want is not social acceptance, but instead making a difference to society. Focus on your true self, get rid of the image, pay close attention to your emotions and thoughts. That is the fundamental to feeling happy with your actions, and being content with life. The image is just an illusion that many of us try to protect but rather we should be focusing on what lies under, the true representation of oneself.
Help people out of goodwill, not expecting something in return.
This is what fundamentally makes a humane being. “And if you lend to those from whom you expect repayment, what credit is that to you? Even sinners lend to sinners, expecting to be repaid in full.” Luke 6:34. I always helped others, and expected something in return, be it a physical object such as a treat or non — physical such as openness. Suddenly, I reached a turning point in life when I realized that I sincerely enjoyed doing good to others, and not because of what I got back in return. All of us are equal, no one deserves more than others. To the best of your ability, reach out to those who need a helping hand regardless of who they are, or what they can do for you in return. When you are capable of doing this, I guarantee you that you will look at the world in a different light, one filled with happiness and joy. Many feel that relationships are 50–50, even I thought that too, but slowly I began to understand that it is 100–0 from both people. That is the fundamental difference between a successful relationship filled with love and understanding as opposed to a materialistic one.
The above 5 stated points are in my opinion some of the most important ideologies to being a humane being. Many of us are so engrossed in living our lives as a human being that we forget on how to be humane. Understanding yourself gives you better judgement on the type of relationships you wish to create with others. This in turn leads to a closer and more fruitful relationship, and relationships that you can truly cherish without anything holding you back. Focus on what makes you who you are, and remove the image which you are trying so hard to build and protect. Be yourself and put in 100% into the relationship, offering help without expecting anything in return. Know your intentions clearly and the actions that you take will automatically align towards them.
Thank you all for taking time and reading through this short note that I have written. I just wanted to share this with everyone, the things I have learnt over the 2 years in University and I hope others take something valuable from my lessons learnt or even offer feedback to me on how else I can improve my perspective on things.
